Although “Tito Wayne Gacy” is pretty good too. There’s the inevitable Lara St. John cover art:
And then there are all those album covers that seek to get all in our face with their totally gnarly ‘tude:
I remember years ago I saw a CD of some chump playing a thoroughly conventional piano program but flaunting, on the album cover, (A) a sleeveless leather jacket, (B) moderately accentuated biceps, with (C) a spider tattoo. EXTREME!!!
Nigel Kennedy has been guilty of such things in the past. I remember seeing an interview with him on MuchMusic where, in a carefully studied rockstar* manner, he told the interviewer that Beethoven was a total wild man “pissing in his piano” and stuff. But did he also bite the piano?
UPDATE: Jonathan reminded me of Westminster Gold! How could I have forgotten! And what Jonathan wants, Jonathan gets: behold, a whole website devoted to Westminster Gold cover art. You want cheesecake?
Beethoven’s facial expression seems to suggest that he is about to burst from his pedestal, Commendatore-like, and scuttle around the room like the severed hand in The Evil Dead, driven mad and antic by the the sheer hotness of the Westminster model. The Austin-Powers-like “strategically placed musical object” trope, as we see, did not originate with Lara St. Jean. Indeed, we find more variations on the theme in the Westminster catalog:
And this is not the end of the hotness. Not at all.
Black socks . . . and nothing else. That’s how we rolled in the 1970s!
Did you know that Birkenstock made disco boots? I did not.
This is a very abstract kind of sexy:**
This is just bizarre:
It occurs to me that “Westminster Gold” should join “cop show” in the Dial M slang lexicon. “Westminster Gold” should mean that something is sophisticated, yet totally insane. Dapper and heavily medicated. It’s like a line from a Blackalicious song called “Beyonder”: “like a war with levity/melody felonies/ heavenly heavenly make you feel like the seventies.”
*Jagger in intention, Nigel Tufnel in execution.
**UPDATE 2: Oh, I get it. Military . . . and Farewell . . . But why a VW? And I still don’t get the fox with the balloon. Fox, OK, Virgil Fox, but the balloon with the peace sign? Anyone?